We spoke to the funeral directors and they said neither they, nor the crematorium, charge for an infant funeral. I was happy to pay whatever it costs but it is free, which is not something you expect.
But with all of that I want to say how proud I am of my daughter, and how she is coping. In some ways I think she is coping better than I am. Today she has been home and been in to the nursery that they had set up, with all the presents from the baby shower and all the knitting from my wife. They are both getting there and coping really well. They are so strong.
What really made me realise quite how grown up my daughter is, and I did not realise this until now, is that she has the hard choice over Thomas. After over a day not sleeping, in pain from an emergency C Section, and in the early hours of the morning when his heart stopped for the third time, she had to decide if to try and restart it yet again. She said she realised he was gone. She made the right choice, I am sure, but I struggle to understand how I could have faced such a choice myself. There is nothing more grown up I can imagine for my baby girl, or anyone.
And typing this I have set myself off again... Blurred vision once again.
I hope she does not mind me posting this. I really am proud of her.
I am so sorry to hear of this. I don't really know you at all, other than as the guy in charge of some of the services and hardware we use at work. But when I read this I wanted you to know that in some small way we are with you in this horrible time. Nobody should have to go through this, and I hope that over time it becomes easier, but you will never forget him - and rightly so. My thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteDev
A bit of an aside this question, but: what is a "baby shower"? I know it's an American import, but why did we import it, and what is getting showered? From what I've read people give the expectant mother presents. Nothing seems to get wet, no one goes in the shower, so why the name? And why did we import yet another American thing? (We don't do Father's Day in my family, my dad objects because it is a US import.)
ReplyDeleteI agree, seems odd. But it happened!
Delete"Showered with gifts" - a shortened version of some metaphorical phrase like that presumably.
ReplyDeleteI've read your blog and followed AAISP with interest for some years now, but never commented before. Catching up after a few weeks away and I've just read this post and the preceeding ones on the same subject. I'm not ashamed to admit that as a 40yo bloke I read most of them through streaming tears.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences to you, your daughter and all your family at what must still be a very distressing time.
As my mind cleared I was reminded of this project - http://www.gnuterrypratchett.com/ - and thought a modified version at AAISP or here would be a fitting, if largely silent, tribute to your beloved grandson.